deer gemini | strong process

accompanying playlist: no. 2909 | deer gemini (deluxe)

the louvre (lyrics)

I’ve decided that this works until it doesn’t, not the other way around as I have been known to do in the past. And might even believe you when you mention all the adventures we’ll take together.– Gemini Cancer Doe, with white wine down her front, yet only two sips in.

Wait, what? It works. Period. And we will go on many adventures. It’s just the beginning. – Aries Pisces Otter, as he took another sip of whiskey with a perceivably steady hand as compared to hers.

Sorry. I like your way more than mine. I just… – GCD, with a shy, exposed, and vulnerable posture.

I know, my dear. It’s a defense mechanism. You don’t want to get hurt. – APO, in a tender, yet direct delivery.

But what if it doesn’t work out? It never works until it does. – GCD, pragmatic and realistic about the budding relationship.

Then…then I screwed up. Be my girlfriend. – APO, with the deepest conviction ever seen in someone’s eyes, heard in someone’s tone.

I’ll be your girlfriend. It’s going to take me a minute to say “boyfriend” without some hesitancy in my voice, but I like it. It works! – GCD, unaware and trusting, in a silencing of her instincts and intuition.

never be the same (lyrics)

learn to let go (lyrics)

I don’t want to remember yet another time I was manipulated and blindsided, a casualty of someone else’s inner war.

The unremembered-by-him ugly words – “Quit crying, go do what you do best and process, and you’ll see that I’m right. You are weak! You’re just an insignificant cog.” – are the ones that will haunt me. Do I write them down to get them out of my head, or do I document only the good – “Where’d you come from, and how is it the way you process is like a superpower? You’re so beautiful and strong. You’re so amazing.” – so I can pen positive takeaways?

I refuse to choose denial, a belief in something that may never have been there. I also don’t want to discount the possibility of pure moments, even if severely overshadowed by horrific ones. I don’t want to admit my obvious childlike belief in his own lost goodness, but instead highlight my adaptable regenerative power in my own found greatness. Can all of this be achieved in one single expression?

You can’t scathe a Gemini and expect her to continue to give, and her Cancer moon will guarantee she’ll never forget a word said to her. As a doe, she’ll have no problem changing directions to flee from danger, to continue on in grace and love.

He screwed up. If I should document our run, it’s sole purpose will serve as a vehicle through which I process, a reinforcement of my wholeness of strength, a token reminder of the day I fled toxicity to be clean.

We worked until we didn’t, and I question if we ever did.

better man (lyrics)


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